13 Songs to Get You Through a Break-up
Break-ups fucking suck. It almost doesn’t matter whether you’re the one getting broken up with, the one who called the shots, or if it was a mutual decision. Loss is always sad. Hurting someone is always painful.
I’d love to tell you that the healing process is easy, or linear. But the reality is you’re going to have some days where you feel okay, and others when the ache is as fresh as if you broke up yesterday. It’s okay to mourn a relationship, no matter how difficult or unbearable it got towards the end. Allow yourself time to grieve, and to process your emotions fully--even when it gets ugly. And oh boy, can it get ugly.
What’s comforting to know is that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing. Heartbreak is one of the most universally felt emotions. When going through my own break-up, I reached out to my professors to let them know I’d be struggling for a while. The responses I got were comforting and almost overwhelming; all of them told me they had gone through something similar, and understood how profoundly it could affect the quality of your work and your state of being. So just know that you’re not the first one to feel this pain, or the last. And that you’ll get through it. You’re going to be okay.
In my own healing process, I’ve found music to be one of the things that brings me the most solace. It mirrored my own emotions--the denial, the frustration, the depression, the journey towards acceptance. Here are some of the songs getting me through at the moment. Grab some tissues, a friend, the aux. Even if it doesn’t feel possible right now, we’re gonna be alright.
“A BOY IS A GUN*”, by Tyler, The Creator (2019)
Sometimes we’re all in for someone who just doesn’t give us the same energy back. “Take your hoodie off, why you hide your face from me? / Make your fuckin’ mind up I am sick of waitin’ patiently.” Being the more vulnerable one can make you feel powerless. I don’t have any deep interpretations for you here, really. It just sucks.
2. “Meet Me At Our Spot”, by THE ANXIETY, WILLOW & Tyler Cole (2020)
This song is all about nostalgia and longing for an earlier, less complicated stage of the relationship. “Maybe we can take a drive / Maybe we can hit the 405 / Hypnotized by the lights / Man, this must be the life.” A desire to be with this person again and do the things you used to, while ignoring the underlying problems which have made being together difficult.
3. “Figures, a Reprise”, by Jessie Reyez & Daniel Caesar (2018)
Reyez sings about only wanting this one person, despite getting hurt and having many other romantic options. “I’m willing to stay / Cause I’m sick for you love.” We’ve all been there, but here’s what you need to know: you deserve better. Really. You can love someone with everything you’ve got and they can still be bad for you. If you’re unhappy, you don’t need to stay.
4. “Midnight Sky”, by Miley Cyrus (2020)
This one’s a total empowerment anthem. “I was born to run, I don’t belong to anyone, oh no / I don’t need to be loved by you.” It’s no secret Miley’s been through a fair amount of shit in relationships. And despite it all, she still hits the ground running. It feels good to channel some of this energy.
5. “Close To You”, by Frank Ocean (2016)
Sampling Stevie Wonder’s “Talkbox Medley (Close to You/Never Can Say Goodbye)”, Frank’s version tears you apart. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t devastated / But you could’ve held my hands through this, baby.” While not crushed by the break-up, it seemed to have come about suddenly, leaving him alone to grasp at the memories of their relationship.
6. “Rollerblades”, by Dominic Fike (2019)
Fike describes a relationship he thought was going to last, which the other person ended before he was ready to stop trying. “Thought that I was built to last for you / Why’d you quit so slow? / You could’ve held on too.”
7. “BLEACH”, by BROCKHAMPTON (2017)
Playing on the concept of bleach as a stain remover, each verse (sung by a different member) is connected by a feeling of dissociation and the overarching theme of trying to eradicate a certain internal struggle or set of memories. “Everything I have (Is a mirror) / And everywhere I stand (Isn’t solid ground) / People don’t make sense (To me anymore) / I’m hiding out, again, tryna figure it out, yeah.”
8. “Talia”, by King Princess (2018)
One of my favorite queer artists, KP talks about using drinking to cope with the loss of a partner and how the alcohol lets her believe (even for just a little bit) that the break-up wasn’t real. “If I drink enough I swear that I will wake up next to you.”
9. “Drew Barrymore”, by SZA (2017)
Personally, I think CTRL is one of the best albums of our generation. “Drew Barrymore” is a raw portrait of insecurity and low self-esteem, about wondering whether you’re good enough for another person. At her 2017 VEVO Halloween performance, SZA explained that this track was about “...a party that I went to for a boy...I was really excited [and] it turns out he brought a girl to the party...So, basically, I went. I did not ever see him for the entire party [and] I smoked all [my] weed by myself...And had a fantastic time.”
10. “The Way I Loved You (Taylor’s Version)”, by Taylor Swift (2021)
This one’s fun to sing and the car, and totally reminiscent of 2004 romantic classic The Notebook. Taylor talks about how on paper, the new man she’s dating is a perfect gentleman. But there’s something missing. “I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / And it’s 2AM and I’m cursing your name / You’re so in love that you act insane / And that’s the way I loved you.”
11. “Heat Waves”, by Glass Animals (2020)
Despite being pretty high energy, this track is about a stagnant relationship that is no longer working. After the song’s release, Dave Bayley wrote on Twitter: “HEAT WAVES IS OUT NOW. it’s about realising you can’t make everyone happy. and realising it’s ok to be defeated by something.”
12. “Astronomy”, by Conan Gray (2021)
In an interview with DORK, Conan explains the song is about “that slow, painful, often denial inducing process of growing apart from somebody.” It can be hard to let go, especially of relationships. When we find someone or something that makes us feel beautiful things, we want to hold onto that forever. But we have to realize that sometimes prolonging what that no longer serves us only makes it lose its magic. “You can’t force the stars to align / When they’ve already died.”
13. “Forgive You”, by Leon Bridges (2018)
And we come full circle. Forgiveness. It can be hard, especially if your partner has done some truly shitty things to you. In situations like that, it’s easy to believe that you did something to warrant that kind of treatment. “Did I not love enough to keep your attention on and on? / Am I the stupid one for doing everything I did for us?” As easy as it is to hold onto negative emotions, they can also hold us back from healing fully. Maybe not now, but someday it can be good to realize two things: that you no longer have to hold on to that anger, and that you were always more than enough.
Header Photo: Ivan Samkov / Pexels
Written by Lisa Kwan
