Ways to Support Your Trans/Non-Binary Loved Ones
You might have trans or non-binary friends, co-workers or family members that you want to be there for and support but don’t know how. Here are a few ways you can support.
Actively engage with the work you need to do on your own
Coming into a conversation with people whose gender identities differ from yours after educating yourself and accessing the tools to make them feel safe will automatically create an environment of support and mutual respect between you and that person.
Share your pronouns
A great way to enter each space acknowledging all gender identities is to openly share your pronouns even if you are cisgender (meaning your gender identity is the same as the sex were assigned at birth). This small act helps to keep different pronouns in the conversation and emphasizes that pronouns cannot and should not be assumed. Keep asking others for theirs and sharing yours!
Listen
Listening and taking cues from someone’s own gender experience is a foolproof way to make sure you are uplifting the way that they identify. It is natural to have questions about an experience that you do not personally have but you are not entitled to information that someone is not openly sharing with you about their gender identity. Listen and engage with the ways they do openly talk about their identity with you and shape any questions you may have off of what they are already willing to share. If you have signaled to them that you are a safe person for them to be around, they will share with you what they want to when they are ready.
Acknowledge Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria
Gender dysphoria and gender euphoria can happen in large and small ways. Gender dysphoria is “when someone feels uncomfortable or doesn’t connect with their body or the expected roles of their assigned gender” while gender euphoria is “a euphoric or happy feeling felt by one when referred to as their ‘true’ gender.” As a cisgender person, it is important to analyze the ways that you may be causing dysphoria for your loved and putting energy towards causing euphoric moments. If you see your loved one retreating after you unconsciously gender them in a certain way, then it is best to acknowledge the harm and do the work on your own to reduce the harm in the future.
Be an Ally
If your friends or family have not done the work or had conversations with a person in your life who isn’t cisgender, you can take on the work of letting them know how your loved one prefers to identify so they do not have to that themselves. Correct people if they misgender your loved one when you can even if it may feel uncomfortable for you. Cisgender people are privileged in Western society so it is important to use that positionality to help keep marginalized identities safe.
This is all a learning process and there will always be mistakes along the way. The important thing is that you are constantly reevaluating the ways that you are supporting trans/non-binary people because they should grow with you as you learn and experience more.
Written by Mya Ison
