A guide to bringing your boo home for the holidays
Written by Jailynn Taylor
ʼTis the season for meeting the family!
Are you planning on going home for the holidays and bringing the boo? Do you have a chaotic family? Are you hiding some skeleton in your closet? Are there some cultural differences? You might want to brief your partner before bringing them home to meet the parentals for the first time if you want things to go smoothly.
No promises, though — spiked eggnog will have your parents pulling out your embarrassing pre-puberty photos and telling your partner how you were scared of the dark well through middle school. But this article will help you prep your parents and your boo so they don’t go ghost after the holidays.
Politics, religion and any other touchy topics
When chatting with your significant other, start with briefing them on topics they or your family may not align on.
Many people have very strong views when it comes to topics like politics and religion. It is best to have those conversations ahead of time with your partner or family and discourage them from bringing those things up to allow the evening to go as smoothly as possible.
Even though you may try to prep to avoid these specific topics from coming up, you never know what triggering topics may send your family or your significant other over the edge. It may be best to brief your partner on how to segue the conversation when they see them heading in the wrong direction.
You can even let them know your family’s facial/body cues when they are getting upset. If you see the tips of dad’s ears turning red or his forehead wrinkles have become permanent across his face, it may be time to change the subject.
Do not disclose
Let your partner know ahead of time what secrets, activities or conversations not to repeat at the dinner table.
If you have an OnlyFans, or have decided to drop out of medical school and become an artist in France but your family doesn’t know, you might want to tell your partner not to bring it up to avoid putting you in the hot seat.
On the other side of things, you may want to tell your parents that you don’t want your significant other knowing that you peed the bed until you were 14, or that you had imaginary friends well into middle school. These may not be big secrets, but they will save you from reliving the most embarrassing moments in your life.
This could also be an opportunity to come clean to your parents and your significant other about your secrets. It’s better if there are no surprises and everything is out on the table.
Photo by (Nicole Michalou / Pexels)
Cultural differences
If your partner plans to come home for the holidays and has a different upbringing than you, it can be helpful to educate them properly on your culture and language. Here are a few tips to get you started:
Teach them the proper way to greet elders in your native language, or appropriate body language that indicates respect. Teach them to master a few easy conversational phrases in your native language.
Let them know what’s the best way to dress for dinner or first meetings — if they should be a bit more conservative, or if they should dress up a bit more.
Let them know the cultural dynamics of dinner, like who eats first and who serves.
Teach them about the different types of food that may be prepared. Try going to a restaurant that serves something similar so they can get an idea if they like it or not and to familiarize themselves with the food.
Let them know that they shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions if they don’t understand something.
Family triggers & beef
Family triggers can go hand in hand with the previous point of avoiding touchy topics but are usually more unique to your family.
If you know aunt Pam and grandma do not have the best relationship, you might want to forewarn your partner that there may be a bit of bickering between the two of them. Let them know where the problem stemmed from and what to avoid. If this all started over the pumpkin pie recipe Christmas of 2007, tell your partner to refrain from commenting on the pumpkin pie. You don’t want a rerun of last year’s drama.
Who’s who?
Time to pull out the family tree!
Sit down with your partner and let them know who is who in the family. Pull out pictures and show what everyone looks like. Who’s married to whom. Who is currently separated but in attendance together. Whose kids belong to whom. What they all do, and what’s their tick.
If you have a crazy uncle or a not-so-friendly aunt, it is your time to disclose to your partner who they are before you get home. Let them know the best way to greet these people and make a quick exit to remain unscathed.
Photo by (Nicole Michalou / Pexels)
Butter ‘em up
A great way to get your partner started on the right foot with the fam is to come bearing gifts.
Let your significant other know what your parents like. If your mom’s favorite flower is peonies, maybe pick some up on the way to dinner. If dad is a fan of the Raven’s, maybe get a custom sports mug with their favorite coffee. It’s the thought that counts, and it will leave a great first impression. Who doesn’t love gifts?
Also, let your partner know about your family’s favorite talking points. Your parents will associate their favorite topics with the conversation they had with your boo. So find something that your partner and your parents have in common and think of some conversation starters.
If you know your parents are into art, maybe ask about some of the choices of art they have hanging on the walls and what they mean to them. Or if they love to cook, ask if you can help with dinner. You may learn a new technique or recipe.
Reassure your partner that they are not in this alone, and make sure to check in with each other often throughout the day.
Even though we give you these tips, no promises that the day will go as planned. It’s better to do some prep work to mentally prepare yourself and your significant other for a huge next step in your relationship.
Header photo by (August de Richelieu / Pexels)
