7 Non-sexual ways to boost intimacy with your partner
Written by Nhatalya Pagtakhan
There are a lot of factors to take in when someone looks at how happy they are with their relationship (aka their “relationship satisfaction”). They think about trust levels between each other, their attraction and levels of compassion. One thing people overlook sometimes is how intimate they are with their partner.
We’re not just talking about how comfortable people feel in the sense of sexual intimacy here. Intimacy takes on more forms than just sex. It can be anything done with a partner that leads to feelings of closeness, safety and security with the person you’ve grown to love.
Because, it’s not always about the “big O” with your S/O (significant other). Sometimes it’s about the brief moments of adoration, or the larger gestures that make you remember why you fell in love with the person.
Here are a few possible ideas of how to increase the closeness you feel to the person you’re seeing, in hopes of increasing both you and your partner’s relationship satisfaction.
Write them a love letter
Classy, romantic and something your partner may hold onto forever. Love letters are for any and every occasion such as:
Congratulating your loved one on a goal they’ve achieved and telling them how proud you are of them.
Thanking them for a specific thing they did for you recently and sharing how loved it made you feel.
Writing to them about a fond memory you have and telling them why you enjoy the memory so much.
Making a promise to your partner on the love that you’ll have for them/your devotion to them.
Letters are not only great keepsakes to look back on after years of being in love with someone, but they’re also tangible reminders of why you love your partner. For anxious lovers (those who find themselves to be worriers in relationships), it can bring peace of mind and help them feel closer to their partner.
Spa day/massage
Seriously, is there anything more satisfying than someone loosening the knot in the middle of your back? For couples looking for an alternative physical way to be intimate, massage is the perfect substitute.
Physically, giving your partner a massage can help them reduce muscle tightness and, in doing so, their “mental tensions” (aka any stressors they have going on) may be reduced by you giving them a mental break. Becoming good at massage is only one Google search away — or simply asking your partner what feels good to them can make a back rub easy and rejuvenating.
Tantric breathing
A way to spice up the bedroom without taking any clothes off? Yes, it’s possible.
If you’ve ever tried breathing exercises solo, you’ll know the experience can feel cleansing and cathartic, as long as you stay present and focus on good thoughts. Now, focused breathing with someone else can feel awkward at first, but if you and your partner are able to get past that and settle into the moment, breathing together can be a way of re-grounding, helping you both become more present and focused on each other. It’s as simple as each of you closing your eyes and taking slow deep breaths in sync together for a couple cycles.
By letting go together, you two are increasing feelings of closeness and intimacy with each other. This can be especially helpful after conflict, or before/after a stressful event. Some people also feel this is prior to forms of sexual intimacy, as a form of tantric breathing can be used prior to sex to bring energy and attention to the same parts of your body stimulated during sex. Breathing with your partner won’t always lead to sex, however, it’s possible that the next time you and your love are in the mood, the sexual intimacy could be even more enjoyable than before.
Get lost in each other’s eyes
Eye contact, especially for a prolonged period of time, can be intimidating to someone who’s not used to it at first. There are a lot of possible reasons people get self-conscious about eye contact when it first comes to staring into your other half’s eyes. Possible reasons could be:
Fear of falling in love too quickly/becoming vulnerable with this person too quickly.
Worries that the person is able to see the deepest, darkest parts of you, and that they won’t like what they see.
Even wondering if your appearance appeals to the person you’re making eye contact with can spark anxieties and the need to break your contact with that person.
The truth is that you’re learning to build trust with this person you’re setting eyes on, even if it’s a gaze held for a few seconds before turning away. Try holding eye contact with your love for a few seconds at a time, and eventually you’ll find yourself trusting each other more until you get stuck looking at each other for longer periods of time. You may start to notice what it feels like for your partner to let down their guard and for you to do the same for them.
Make them a meal
After coming home from a long day, there’s not much more that could make somebody happier than having food ready on the table. This action for your other half can mean the world to them if their love language is “acts of service” because it can signify to your partner that you want to meet their basic needs. Also, if you plan to sit down together to eat, you can spend quality time together, too. This opens you both up to space for conversations about each other’s day, or gives you a chance to plan your week out together.
Even if you don’t have the time to sit with them or they’re not feeling up for conversation, food is one way to communicate to your partner that you were thinking of them. They’re likely to feel appreciative of you, and with that can come feelings of closeness.
Gift them something they’d never gift themselves
It’s cool to finally buy yourself that pair of earrings you always wanted ... but you know what would make it even better? Your partner wanting to buy them for you. Even if your love language isn’t gift giving, a treat to your loved one can feel like a reward best earned, especially after they’ve reached a goal they’ve been working towards, or maybe they had a bad day so you spend a little mula on them as a pick-me-up. Either way, treating your loved one to a gift, big or small, can create closeness by making the gifted partner feel seen and noticed in their successes and in their troubles.
Find a hobby or activity to do together
If you and your other half have been slouching on the couch and calling it date night, it may be time to get out of the house and check something off the bucket list. Take the day off or find a weekend when you and your other half can spend time away from home. Maybe you’ve been dying to see a tourist location or try a new restaurant that just opened. There might be a picnic spot or hiking trail you two used to go to and maybe it’s time to revisit. Doing an activity out of the ordinary or doing a hobby your partner likes together is a way of creating new experiences together, increasing your intimacy by having shared memories to look back on and more things to talk about. It can be a way of keeping your relationship spark alive. By having ideas for new activities and hobbies, you’re always going to have something to look forward to in your relationship.
All the gestures you make toward your partner matter, big or small. Other needs of a relationship like commitment and trust need a little intimacy to stay strong, so making an effort toward your significant other, no matter how big the effort, can help you two feel emotionally closer together and make for a promising couple.
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