12 questions to ask your significant other in the first year
Written by Jailynn Taylor
At the one-year mark, you can assume that things are pretty serious. You are probably coming out of the honeymoon phase and beginning to understand who your partner is as a person. The best way to get to know if you and your significant other are compatible in the long-term is by asking these 12 questions surrounding goals, finance, family, religion and communication.
Pay extra close attention to the red flag 🚩 questions because these answers can be very telling of current compatibility or problems you may face down the line.
What did you learn from watching your parents’ relationship?
You’ll learn what they see value in and what they grew up watching. You will likely have similar interactions in your relationship because subconsciously we all pick up habits from watching our parents’ dynamic. You’ll have an idea of what to expect going forward: the good and the bad.
What are your views on religion and those who don’t follow one religion? 🚩
Religion, like money, can be a very touchy topic. If they are highly religious, you will learn what their values are and where they may disagree. If they don’t subscribe to a religion, ask why and what their values are based on. If you are on the opposing side of either of these answers, you may need to evaluate if this would work for you or how you would align when it comes to starting a family.
What is your love language, and what is your love language to others?
You want to know what the best way to love your partner is. If they prefer words of affirmation over gift giving, you may want to reassure them of your feelings for them more often instead of buying them jewelry.
Another thing to think about is how you show love to others. Naturally, we all gravitate toward a love language that we express to others that may not be the same as how we want to receive love. For example, you may prefer gift giving as your love language, but the way you go about showing those in your life you appreciate them is by acts of service. It’s good to align with your partner on what you can incorporate and what comes naturally.
How do you deal with stressful situations? 🚩
This question will tell you how they deal with situations not falling in their favor and how they cope or solve problems. Are they rash? Do they make a scene when they are upset? Are they hostile or aggressive toward others? Do they shut down altogether? It’s a good idea to take note of this in actual scenarios.
What is something you could talk about for hours?
Want to learn what they are passionate about? Ask them this. Most people will fall down the rabbit hole of their favorite hobby, conspiracy theory, music and so on. It’s always amazing seeing people light up talking about things they love.
What is your relationship with money? 🚩
Money is a touchy subject for just about anyone. You’ll learn if they are generous or stingy, if they are a reckless spender or a super saver. It also doesn’t hurt to learn how they would go about their financial situation later on down the line in combination with their partner.
Do you want a small or big family?
This is a good indicator of whether you both have the same end goal. You could learn if your partner wants a lot of children or none at all. It’s better to ask questions like this initially because this isn’t something that most people are willing to compromise on. You don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t have the same end goal as you.
What are your pet peeves?
Want to know what gets under their skin and makes them tick? Ask their pet peeves. You will learn if they hate the sound of forks dragging across the plate or slow walkers. They may even indirectly call out things that you do that drive them nuts. It’s best once you find out about these pet peeves to be more mindful and steer clear.
What is something you disagree with when it comes to how you were raised?
This is an excellent way to learn how they plan to do better for their children based on things they dealt with in their upbringing. Or even how they have dealt/are still dealing with trauma from their youth.
What is something that you learned from your past relationship? 🚩
This answer can tell the type of person they were (or may still be) in their previous relationships and if they have learned based on their actions. You’ll also know if they still hold negative feelings toward their ex or if there could still be feelings there.
When you hear the word “love,” what image comes to mind?
Offer a glimpse into their mind of what love visually looks like. Do they see a particular setting? An action? Do they describe a relationship that they grew up seeing? It can be a very beautiful response.
Imagine if you could see yourselves together in that moment.
Where do you see yourself when you are old?
This will give you an idea of what their future plans look like. Do they want to move away or move to be closer to family? Do they have a retirement plan? Do they want to travel or relax by the beach? You can see if your goals align with theirs.
Don’t be afraid to ask those hard questions throughout your relationship, as it’s better to get the answer before it could affect your long-term goals. It’s also a great way to bring you and your significant other closer together. Communication is the key to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Header photo by (Chermiti Mohamed / Unsplash)
