Insights on closing the pleasure gap with Dame CEO Alexandra Fine
Written by Betsey G
A Glamour article changed my life. It popped into my inbox early on a February morning, right before I was about to get out of bed. We were almost a year into the pandemic at this point, so as a single, stressed-out graduate student, the headline “This suction vibrator is the only sex toy you’ll ever need again” caught my eye.
I’d never used a vibrator in my life, but the author’s enthusiastic review of Dame’s Aer had me purchasing my own little lavender friend before I’d even finished reading. It was a no brainer — I quickly learned that not only are Dame’s toys insanely aesthetically-pleasing, but as a women-owned company, Dame is actively closing the pleasure gap one toy at a time. Did you know only 39% of women report that they ‘usually’ or ‘always’ orgasm during sex, compared to 91% of men?!
Looking back now, ordering my Aer was easily the most exciting and empowering purchase I’ve ever made. The following months have been just as exhilarating, learning my body and finally taking my pleasure into my own hands. Still very new to the world of sex toys — and massively inspired by Dame’s mission and products — I asked the CEO and Co-Founder, Alexandra Fine about toys for beginners, mental health benefits of female masturbation and ways women can work towards closing the pleasure gap.
Q&A attributed to Alexandra Fine, CEO and Co-Founder of Dame
If a person with a vulva is ordering their first sex toy, which Dame product should they choose?
Alexandra Fine: We actually have a great tool on our website to help people with vulvas find the perfect products to get started with. All you need to do is take a quick quiz that can serve as an entry point for those who are unsure where to start, or for those looking to try something new. Some of our more “beginner-friendly” toys include Fin, a versatile finger vibrator, and Kip, the lipstick vibrator in a travel-friendly package.
Why choose a female-founded company like Dame?
AF: I started Dame because I felt that there was really no brand prioritizing pleasure for people with vulvas. So, choosing to purchase from Dame means that you’re buying well-engineered products made for women, by women who are passionate about sexual health and understand how to add this value to pleasure.
I learned a lot from the Swell article on how masturbation has gone from sin to self-care. What are a few mental and physical health benefits of self-pleasure?
AF: That’s a great article because the history of masturbation and self-pleasure is so interesting. Until recently, female masturbation has been seen as unhealthy, sinful and even “prohibited.” However, we now know that self-pleasure is normal, valid and even comes with a host of health benefits, such as lowered anxiety, better sleep, immune system enhancement and more. Another benefit is giving yourself the chance to get in touch with your body and practice self-love. The more we discuss these topics openly, the less power is given to the harmful narrative of feeling ashamed or embarrassed by a very human experience that actually benefits your health.
How can women overcome the stigmas around female masturbation and close the pleasure gap?
AF: By understanding the history of stigmas around female masturbation, we can better work to normalize, destigmatize and champion pleasure for people with vulvas, as well as lean into pleasure as a vital element to one’s holistic health and wellness. In addition to educational tools, we believe that a welcoming community and environment can help people who have previously experienced shame around these topics.
The pleasure gap is the disparity in pleasure heterosexual cis women experience in comparison to their cis male partners. In fact,The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (2010) showed that women reported "less satisfaction with sexual activity than men with less pleasure, less arousal and fewer orgasms.” Our mission is to close this pleasure gap by creating tools and resources to help people honor their sexual pleasure and health, and open the doors for more people with vulvas to explore sex with clitoral touch as a focal point—with or without penetration.
Finally, why was it so important to you to make Dame sustainable, gender-inclusive and aesthetically pleasing?
Sex is about so much more than what we do in the bedroom, and it’s important for Dame to reflect that. Our Pantone blue branding is a symbol of our boldness — specifically how we push the conversation around pleasure and sexual health. However, we also wanted to create a brand that is accessible, approachable, and inclusive. We have an entire research arm of our product development process called Dame Labs, which enables us to use real, human feedback across the gender spectrum to intentionally and thoughtfully design products. As one of the few sexual pleasure companies to incorporate human feedback into our engineering process, we’re proud to create a safe space to host honest conversations that help people explore sexuality and health.
Header photo by Dame Products / Ryan Duffin
