Letter to my Past Self: Thank You
My dear sweet past Aastha,
You did it. You got through this. I know how difficult things feel right now – how getting out of bed feels hard and going to sleep somehow feels even harder. I know your heart feels empty and heavy at the same time and it feels like this is just how life is going to be from here on out. I know you don’t want to believe them when they tell you things are going to get better, but I’m here to tell you that they did. I’m here to tell you that you got better.
You learned to bring calmness to all those storms and turmoil that you feel in your chest. You learned to use all that compassion and empathy you feel towards the world and apply it to yourself. You learned that you are capable of so much more than just loving someone else – you are capable of loving yourself.
You finally learned to see yourself as enough. To see yourself as worthy. You are not broken; in fact, you are far from it. You might struggle with seeing that right now because you have confused inspiration with competition, but everyone is on their own path in life. Right now, you’ve hit a little speed bump and that’s more than okay. You are strong, resilient, ambitious, and intelligent – you just haven’t found the courage to see yourself as such yet. But don’t worry, you will.
There is so much more in store for you on the other side of this, so you’ve got to keep fighting. The other side has days where you are going to achieve more than you ever thought was possible. Days where you will explore cities that you once longed to be in. Days where you fall in love all over again even though you felt too broken to. Days filled with laughter, family, friends, and contentment. Face another day of this hardship, knowing that there is so much goodness in the world waiting for you to experience at the end of it. And more importantly, there is so much left for the world to experience from you.
Your current battle would not have been for nothing. It will lead to the scars that we show off with pride for the rest of our life. This battle will teach you lessons that you will cherish forever and I am eternally thankful for it.
I am so grateful for you and all the other versions of us that came before you, because they have all led to who I am now.
And while I am still not perfect, I know you would be proud of me and that’s all that matters.
So, for now, it’s okay to dwell in the pain and sorrow, just know that peace and happiness are on the horizon. You are worth so much more than you believe, and I cannot wait for you to see it.
Love always,
Aastha, 4 years on
Written by Aastha Malik
