Confronting Microaggressions: Why, When, and How
We know this scene all too well - someone comments on how well you speak English, or makes comments based on stereotypes of your identity. What do you say? How do you react to this?
This matters. It is more than just a comment, it is more than just a slick remark, it is more than just someone having a bad day. Microaggressions can have real lasting effects on your physical and mental health. You may know how to identify microaggressions but, do you know how to confront them? Do you know what you can do for others around you in that situation?
Here’s how to identify microaggressions and what you should do to confront them: start by giving the person a chance to explain themselves and then choose carefully how you want the situation to go down - you can walk away or choose to call them out on it.
The Microagression
Microaggressions can seem subtle and slight. Often, we are socialized to ignore comments like that and just keep walking. As BIPOC women and non-binary people of color, we may experience these moments everywhere. These comments or remarks often attack one’s identity - especially if that identity is not part of the dominant group.
As ordinary or commonplace as they may seem, microaggressions have the power to perpetuate stereotypes that can affect a whole community’s well-being, a person’s life, and society’s structure. The most important step to combating microaggressions is to realize that they are a problem. So, then, how do we identify microaggressions and confront them? Why is it so hard to confront them, anyway?
Responding to the Microaggression
The following situation has happened to me too many times to count and seems to be a common issue in BIPOC women and non-binary people of color communities. Someone will say something that, in hindsight, is obviously a microaggression but I will not recognize it as such until the situation is over. Sometimes I realize in the moment but cannot come up with an adequate response. I then get angry with myself for allowing someone to say something offensive about me or someone else without me saying something back. This scenario depicts the importance of learning to identify microaggressions quickly and efficiently.
Ask for clarification, first.
Giving the person saying the remark a chance to think back on what they said allows them to realize for themselves why their comment was inappropriate. Responding with “What do you mean by that?” or “How have you come to think that?” allows them the space to reflect on what they just said. Sometimes people will understand that you or someone might take offense to a comment but will not understand why. It is then up to your discretion whether or not you want to explain. Remember you do not have to fight every battle.
Know when to respond and when to walk away.
In some situations, it is dangerous for you to respond or could affect your life negatively. Keep the safety of you and the people around you in mind. Also, consider what may happen after the interaction has occurred. Think about whether you expect it to go well or not. Know how to weigh the consequences of your actions. Some important questions to ask are,
Will I be in danger if I respond?
Will this conversation lead to an unwanted argument?
How will my response affect my relationship with this person? Family, friend, coworker?
Will I regret not saying something if I don’t respond?
If I don’t respond, will people think I support that statement?
Understanding how your life may change or not change from your response to a microaggression is important for you to pick your battles. It is important to note that though responding may seem tedious it can have a beneficial effect on you and those around you. If you are mentally not in a good place to respond, then it may be best not to do so. If by not responding someone thinks you agree with the statement and you do not want this to happen, you may want to respond to the comment. If your safety or health are in danger it is best not to respond. Remember to always take care of yourself. Sometimes, it is just best to walk away.
